when i was a kid, i was most afraid of snakes, and because of that, i keep forcing myself to imagine snakes in order to overcome the fear of it based on the logic the more you see it, the more commoner they become and thus the fear will be minimized.
and i was very much afraid of losing, being a loser hurts my ego a lot, therefore i keep telling myself it is OK to lose, and i tell myself so many times that the idea is almost irreversibly stuck in me in hope that the next strike of losing will no longer break my heart. ever again.
and i often spoiled the things i that's important to me to decrease dependency on it, cause i know i cant hold on to it forever, and being very egoistic, i choose to leave it before it leaves me, and i want to prove that without it, i can do better.
and i lower my awareness and consciousness many times to lower of expectation of my life. so that i no longer thinking of achieving that.
my stubbornness and stupidity costs me a lot, my logic was correct but the result was awful, there is nothing up on blurring you senses, only ultimate boredom.
i am sharpening them again. if i am sincere and convincing, they will come back.
they will.
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