once, i sold my soul.

once, i sold my soul.
having a soul without having the freedom that allows it makes me very miserable.
thus, i cheap sell my soul.

As times goes by, I've my freedom.
but having the freedom without having the soul that beautifies it makes me equally miserable.
thus, i try to buy back my soul.

Only to discover that my soul is on sale at a much higher price than when i sold it.

for carrot

dear carrot,

falling in love is a very scary phenomena, i fall in love once at 12 and it was a total havoc. my whole personality changes so much from a polite and reserved boy to someone you are having right now. and i not sure what i will turn into if my heart was broken again.

let me describe my feeling towards her, i think she is fine, just fine. i make her
laugh a lot, but at the same time i feel like kicking her as well, yes, KICKING her.

the way she interact with people is cool and casual, for me it is really healing, cause in my entire life i have been meeting girls who when i try to get close, they RUN AWAY! and that was really SAD for me. but through her i understand, it was not really my PROBLEM that girls run away when i get close, it is because they are really TIMID and refuse to get close to people.

and i am forever thankful to her for showing me the insight.

and everywhere she goes she try to set up a family, it is like totally opposite to my philosophy of life, everywhere i go, i want to remain as an individual. but i am still struggle to understand her on this.

another thing, i always believe that as a child she has ALMOST PERFECTED HER SKILL IN ASKING THINGS FROM ADULTS. she asks, and it makes giving so easy.

i enjoy giving things to people, especially KIDS like her, it is virtuous and fun.
:p

if i were to fall in love again, definitely i will, i will choose a girl who can make me silent, who can make me feel the wind more, who can bring me down to earth, yes, EARTH. falling in love with her will instead shoot me right up to the MOON, MOON, and i don't wanna go to moon, i am already LUNATIC. you see the thing here is EARTH and MOON are totally opposite.

you asked me to treat her well, there is no problem, i can treat her well, hahahahahah.

generally i am a fine guy. but i will still kick her if i can grab my chance.


thank you for thinking for me and concern about my well being, i am glad to have a
friend like you.

but falling in love requires great courage, which i am still cultivating.

am this world is full of so many beautiful people, i am going out to see them, to make friend and make fun of them before i fall, ahahhahaha.

i want to see you as well, be free for me. you still owe me stories about yourself.

blessed,
Tan Sek Kuan

dear body.

dear body,

this is a sincere apology, i usually don't apologize, until i reckon that i've done
something awfully wrong, now i am here, just you and me, and i am apologising to you.

for the past 10 years, i was unhappy with myself, in a lot of ways. and because of
that, i turn my violence against you.

i remembered how i treated you, when you are full, i stuffed food inside of you, when you are hungry, i ignored you, when you are tired and in need of sleep, i go out and run whole night, when you are thirsty, i eat biscuit, when you in need of some rest and peace, i put on the head phone and turn on the most lousy songs ever, when you are in cheerful mode, i play you the saddest songs and turn you down, when you give me the feel good hormone, i said it was not enough and i wanted more, when you wake me up from my sleep, i refused to wake up, when you tell me that she is a good one, i said "nah, i can get a much better one."

and all of these, and a lot more, are the crimes i have done to you, in collaboration with my mind and ego, we have done some serious crimes to you. and i am awfully sorry now.

yesterday midnight, 3am, i could not sleep, i was talking to you, i asked you a
question, the qestion that i asked you 10 years ago, "what is the only thing you want in your entire life time?", you gave me, the same answer you gave me 10 years ago, "body comfort."

you sounded a bit down, you sounded a bit weak when you answered the question, i can
understand that, the course of the torture has made you very weak, but you answer is
still as sure as the sun rise, body comfort.

i know, i know that body comfort is what i need, that the body comfort can heal the
body, mind and soul at once, and i know that body comfort can make us so healthy, that none of us have to suffer again, and i know whore to get the body comfort you are looking for. i know exactly what you want, and who you want, and i know she can make you so so much healthy by activating you once again.

there are so many parts inside of you waiting to be activated, but her, not by me,
cause the key to activate you is not with me, but with her.

body, mind and soul are on our side now, on our side to get close to her, to make us
healthy, but not ego. ego always don't allow things to happen.

but i promised you, i will get rid of the ego body. so please help me too, please grow very well, cause at this very critical moment, if only we could work body and master and soul and mind together, we could get the body comfort you are looking for.

i was sorry for that past 10 years, we are going to work again, again, this time, none of us will be parted. and i going to kill my ego.

body, your wisdom is greater than mine, and i love you.

from,
master kuan.

there is no reason for being happy and sad

sometimes you get it,

sometimes you lost it,

i think happiness is a touch,

if you practice more, you can get it,

follow the happy people. they could show you the way, in an unexplainable way.

their beings are the answers.

just a thought.

i am 24 years old, i can understand why man loves cigarette and alcohol, why man prefer money than love, and why man wants children but don't want wife.

and why man eventually becomes religious, i can now understand.

although i am not totally like agree with them.

man is really funny. hahahahahhahahaha.

scrumpcious life ? yummy.

accidentally, i found your blog, and i read that you wrote about me, so i am responding now.

dear JGL,

you think that i am funny, and you don't know why. there are a few reasons that MIGHT account for it, and i am going to tell you, but please don't tell other people, because some of the reasons are really embarrassing to tell.

1. if you look carefully, every time i laugh, i actually wanted to cry.

2. when i was very young, i was very naughty(everybody is), and when i was very naughty, my mother caned me(no complain for that, i deserved it), and when i was caned, i cried very loud(i have a lot of anger inside of me since young), and when i cried very loud, the neighbours came and asked, and when the neighbours came and asked, my mum was embarrassed, and when my mum was embarrassed, she still continue to cane me but she asked me not to cry and shut up, but it was very painful for me, and i can not cry,so i get confused of my emotion, and eventually, i LAUGH.

3. when i was young, when i was still trying to figure out what the world is, i was clueless, but when i watched drama trying to figure out what an adult life is like, i was thinking no matter rich or poor, happy or sad, a little joke helps you go through the day easily, that's my first childish philosophy.

4. i make people laugh for a hope that one day, they could make me laugh until i choke. i was hoping to take more than what i give.

5. last but not least, there is a deep fear inside of me, that if i cant even make people laugh, nobody wanna be my friend, I've got nothing else to offer, really.

in reply to this funny post of a funny blog


JANGAN KETAWA di atas pentas! JANGAN! dan juga di dalam PERPUSTAKAAN.

job list 2009

job list:

1.ship crew
2.waiter at a fancy restaurant
3.actor/actress
4.cook
5.bricklayer, i think it is as easy as playing lego.
6.shop keeper
7.director- for a movie that nobody can understand and i will be called aritistic
8.writer
9. make songs that make all the listeners stupid by listening to them
10. make movies that degrades your moral and make you sleepless at night
11. con artist - if my memories and my intelligence finally decided to get back to me.
12. ILLEGAL broker, I mean IllEGAL, then i can speak hokkien recklessly.
13. gigolo, for one night only, is it ok? sleeping while making money should not just happen in dreams.
14. politician, so that i can widely known for my scandals
15. gambler
16. spiritual leader, so that i can preach bout xxx guiltlessly.
17. own a coffee shop
18. surviving on my 4 younger brother's income.
19. work in kindergarten (i actually like kids, can you believe that? )
20. go to a place where nobody knows me, work on something immoral, and come back rich and glamorous.
21. to be added to the list

i have make up my mind, i dont wanna be a multimedia specialist anymore, above is a list of jobs that i think i should do or my way of supporting my own life in the future. don't be judgemental.

i don't know why i write this

at this very moment, i am doing something really bad, and naughty, i can't tell you what i am doing, but i know it is bad. enough said.

so the purpose of writing this post is to distract me from doing that evil again, i really mean evil.

recently i find out that i have become much more expressive, or in your very degradory (omg, this word is so canggih, i can't find it in my wordweb) term, talkative. maybe it is because of a new friend that suddenly active me, or the drug that i took, or my sleeping cycle becomes slightly normal, or it is just my nature to be more expressive.

whatsoever it is, i think it is a good thing, i am feeling much more better.

and less crazy, or more?

i think life should not be a struggle, it should be an ecstasy.

this gift of a body is for you to experience the ecstacy! sounds like some religious ideas to you?

i think i really shoud calm down now, bye.